Soap-y Dreamz - Part 2

Continued from Soap-y Dreamz...

Scene 3 of Soap-y Dreamz:

After a lot of discussions (read arguments), the Ladies club decided to start shooting the soap. They decided to start with the court room scene. The stage was set in the Grasim Club House’s Table Tennis Room using the LKG/UKG tables and stools. A lot of the colony residents were posing as the courtroom audience. Some were asked to pose as journalists and photographers, so a few of them arrived with their digital cameras and started taking pictures of anything that moved.

I was donning my costume and getting ready to play the part of the Bailiff. It never occurred to me that they had chosen me to play a part predominantly played by men! Ignorant to the misery about to befall me, I was busy buttoning up the suit of my costume, when Meharwal Aunty walked in holding a pagdi (turban) in one hand and a black thing in the other.

Meharwal Aunty: Rose, le thera costume. Jaldi tayaar ho.
Me: Aunty, ye kya hain? (pointing to the suspicious looking black thing)
Meharwal Aunty: Yeh nakli muchchi (fake moustache) aur yeh pagdi (turban).
Me: Muchchi!??!?!! No, No, No, NO!!
Meharwal Aunty: Kya No? Hindi serials main Bailiff hamesha mard hote hain.
Me: (What the.... They thought I would make a better male Bailiff than Chaal?!? I don’t know who should be more insulted!) Lekin Aunty bina muchchi ke mard hote hain na? Main bina muchchi ke Bailiff banoongi.
Meharwal Aunty: Are aise kaise chalega? (Walking away...) Yeh make up artist kidhar hai. Is ladki ko koi muchchi pahnao.
Me: (My face turns a deep crimson red as the whole green room turns to look at me. I franctically start looking for a place to hide when I feel someone tap my shoulder)
Parveen: (Used to be our maid in the colony) Roj, E Roj. Dekh na main poora dressh up karke aayi.
Me: Parveen, tu idhar kya kar rahi hain?
Parveen: amma bola ki main ‘extra’ ka role karsakti hoon. Isliye main apna besht saree aur necklace pehanke aayi.
Me: Oh, thik hain. Parveen yeh apne paas hi rakhna (handing her the fake mustache) aur kisi ko math dena. (saying this I hastily wear my turban and walk onto the set)

I’m absent mindedly walking around the set looking at what’s going on. There’s the court room scene of course. Then there’s the director, Maru Aunty wearing a pink saree and a director’s hat. She’s sitting behind the camera, trying to focus by vigorously zooming the lens in and out. There are totally three flat screen TVs on the set, meant for the director to use to her discretion. I was staring at one of the TV screens that was focused on someone’s shoe. The image of the foot was randomly enlarging and shrinking and was making me dizzy. As I looked away I realized it was a result of the director trying to focus the lens! (God save us all) Suddenly I hear someone call out my name. I turn to see and it is Gulli’s Mom, Agarwal Aunty.

Agarwal Aunty: A Rose, Idhar aa.
Me: Ha, Aunty?
Agarwal Aunty: Woh TV 32 bit hain ki 64 bit hain?
Me: (Wha.....?!?!? 64/32 bit for TVs?)
Agarwal Aunty: Woh kya hain na Poki naya flat screen TV laya. Woh bhi 64 bit . Mujhe lagta hain yeh sirf 32 bit hain. Dekh woh shoes kaise bada-chota-bada-chota hota rahta hain. Bilkul thik nahin hain....
Chaal - The Spot Boy: Bailiff, please assume your position. The scene is about to start.
Me: (Glad to be rescued) Okkie Spot Boy.
Chaal – The spot Boy: Don’t call me that!! At least I’m retaining my gender!!
Me: What!?!! And who isn’t?
Chaal – The spot Boy: I know about the mustache. Where is it by the way?
Me: What mustache? And how do you know?!?
Chaal – The spot Boy: (Laughing) A room full of Ladies club members and you expected it to be a secret is it?
Me: Humph.... (walking away...)

Scene 4 of Soap-y Dreamz:

Chaal – The spot Boy: Take 64 of “Kya Judge-Sahiba Sahi Faisala Sunayegi”. Thakkk (a slamming noise)
Maru Aunty – Director: Aurrrr.... Action!!
Me – Bailiff: (I stand up and step forward) Judge-sahiba pr... pragd.. pragd....
Maru Aunty – Director: Cut!!! Chalo retake!
Chaal – The spot Boy: Take 65 of “Kya Judge-Sahiba Sahi Faisala Sunayegi”. Thakkk (a slamming noise)
Maru Aunty – Director: Aurrrr.... Action!!
Me – Bailiff: (I stand up and step forward) Judge-sahiba pr...prad...
Maru Aunty – Director: Cut!! Cut!! RETAKE!!
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Chaal – The spot Boy: (really tired) Take 362 of “Kya Judge-Sahiba Sahi Faisala Sunayegi”. Thakkk (a slamming noise)
Maru Aunty – Director: (really annoyed) ACTION!!!
Me – Bailiff: (I stand up and step forward) Judge-sahiba pradhar rahi hain....
Audience: Big sigh.....

(Rungta Aunty – Judge-Sahiba walks in wearing her black robes. Gulli has obviously done a very good job of making her look hilarious)
Rungta Aunty – Judge-Sahiba: Please be seated.

There’s a sinister silence in the audience. The kind of silence that precedes a bomb blast. I can’t take the sight of Rungta Aunty in black robes and burst out laughing. The audience follows.

Rungta Aunty – Judge-Sahiba: Order! Order!!
Maru Aunty – Director: Cut!! Cut!!
Rungta Aunty – Judge-Sahiba: Order!! Order!!
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Chaal – The spot Boy: (shaking with silent laughter) Take 945 of “Kya Judge-Sahiba Sahi Faisala Sunayegi”. Thakkk (a slamming noise)
Maru Aunty – Director: (really annoyed) ACTION!!!
Me – Bailiff: (I stand up and step forward a little unsteady with all the laughing) Judge-sahiba pradhar rahi hain....
Rungta Aunty - Judge-Sahiba: (Really angry) Please be seated.
Me - Bailiff: Ha-Ha Ha-Ha... (Fall off Laughing)
Maru Aunty - Director: CUT!!!!!

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Oh well, this went on for a while.....

Scene 5 of Soap-y Dreamz:

The Ladies club succeeded in shooting a few scenes for the soap. But because of the inherent nature of women in general, the production was bound to fail. And fail it did. Anyway my friends and I were still hopeful of being paid for our services, as had been promised before we started shooting. And now that the debacle was over we were walking down from the Club House, dreaming of ways to spend the money.

Gulli: Hum Goa chalte hain na, I always wanted to go there.
Me: If we make far fetched plans, it’s bound to fail. Maybe we should think of a place that is closer.
Vinu: Ya. Like a place we can go and come in one day. Otherwise your father won’t agree.
Chaal: Or we’ll need a guardian.
Me: Ya, those are some of the problems.
Gulli: E Rose, tu apne pappa ko convince kara na. Nahi tho hum yeh picnic spot chod ke aur kahi nahi ja sakte.
Me: Ok. You guys make plans, I’ll try to convince them.
Chaal: How much money do you think we’ll get?
Me: No Idea.... (Looking away in the distance) What’s my mom doing in the middle of the ground? I gotta check this out.

We all walk to the center of the ground where Mummy is busy setting some wickets into the ground.

Me: Mummy what are you doing?
Mummy: Isn’t it obvious?
Gulli: Ha Aunty. Lekin wickets kyun?
Mummy: I had a feeling the Hindi Soap was bound to fail. So the 'ladies cricket match' was plan B
All of us: We had that feeling too. :)
Chaal: Aunty do you think we’ll get paid?
Mummy: Of course!! The Ladies club has decided to award each person involved with a silver coin!
Vinu: Silver coin? You mean the same coin you used to give out for the lottery?
Mummy: Yes, the same silver coins. Since people are objecting to the lottery, we decided to get rid of the remaining silver coins this way.
Gulli: There goes the goa plan....
Mummy: What Goa plan? Rose I have told you it is not safe to travel alone so far.... There has to be a guardian who can ensure your safety.... And in a place like Goa it’s so easy to get lost... (You don’t need to hear the rest of that!)

Scene 5 if Soap-y Dreamz:

All of us decided to go to Goa anyway. How did I manage to convince my parents you ask? Well it’s a dream now, isn’t it!!?!

So the scene is the Goa beach at dusk. We are all sitting in a semicircle watching the sunset. The girls are going ‘ooooh’ and ‘aaaah’ looking at the sunset and the guys are going ‘not bad, but when will it end?’

Me: So Chaal how is your girl doing?
Chaal: She’s doing good as always. And she’s not ‘my girl’!!
Karthik: You have a girl Chaal? Since when?!?
Vinu: you don’t read his blog is it? There’s not a single post that doesn’t mention ‘Her’.
Karthik: I’m really busy with my MDI stuff. So who is she?
Gulli: I don’t know. This Vinu and Rose won’t tell me.
Karthik: You guys know, is it? Who is it? Common spill the beans.
Chaal: Not now!! Not here anyway.
Karthik: Why? What’s wrong with here?
Me: The thing is Karthik, he’s too chicken to propose.
Karthik: But what’s the hurry?
Vinu: Turns out someone else already did!!
Gulli: Don’t worry Chaal we’ll fix you up with someone else.
Me: But that’s not the same as ‘Her’ is it?
Chaal: I think we need to stop discussing this!!! (Standing up and looking around) Why on earth doesn’t this dream end....
Karthik: Don’t worry Chaal, if the sun is setting here, it’s rising over there.....

And how true!!! I woke up laughing and also cursing Chaal for not proposing. Maybe it’s time to call again!!