Paul Vs Peanut Butter

Paul and I were sitting in the cafeteria after a sumptuous lunch prepared by me - Stuffed mushrooms with creamed potatoes and Leeks, and some celery-pea soup. We had some time on our hands and were just talking, while I licked Thai chilly sauce off the tips of a fork. (I know it's bizarre, but that's me!)

Paul: (laughing at me) Reminds me of how you lick Peanut Butter off a spoon.

Me: Yummmm.... Peanut Butter...

Paul: If you had to choose between Thai chilly sauce and Peanut Butter, what would you pick?

Me: PB (still licking...)

Paul: PB or the soup we just had?

Me: PB (No hesitation at all!!)

Paul: PB or Water?

Me: PB

Paul: PB or water - in a desert?

Me: Water. (I’m logical)

Paul: PB or a night with me at home, watching TV?

Me: Mmmmmmmmmm...... (Thinking...)

Paul: Oh God! You are thinking about it?

Me: Ok fine!! You.

Paul: PB or 50 $ that you can’t spend on PB

Me: PB (I’m not materialistic :)

Paul: PB or 100 $?

Me: (A small pause...) PB

Paul: PB or 200 $?

Me: Hmmmmm..... 200 $

Paul: Oh then 150 $? (Paul trying to bargain on an imaginary choice!)

Me: PB (rolling eyes)

Paul: 190 $?

Me: PB

Paul: 195 $?

Me: PB

Paul: 199 $?

Me: PB

Paul: 199.5 $?

Me: PB

Paul: (laughing...) 199.99 $?

Me: PB

Paul: So 200 $ ha?

Me: Nodding. (While blowing my nose)

Paul: A table spoon of PB or 1 large Reece’s Peanut Butter cup?

Me: PB

Paul: A table spoon of PB or 10 large Reece’s Peanut Butter cups?

Me: PB (Still blowing my nose. Head congestion + Thai chilly sauce = extremely runny nose)

Paul: (Smirking...) a table spoon of PB or a long smoochy kiss from me?

Me: PB (No. No pause :)

Paul: What!!?! (Stands up and starts packing up our lunch stuff...)

Me: Won’t you let me explain my logic?

Paul: Oh no, no. I’m so hurt (Mock sadness). I can’t believe you chose PB over me! I’m so filled with sadness the way you are filled with....

Me: (Still blowing nose and not paying much attention to Paul who’s pretending to cry his heart out)

Paul: ...Phlegm! (Ughhh...) But I’ll persevere till the day I take the place of PB in your life. (Looks at me for reaction)

Me: (No reaction. We have started walking towards the elevators and I’m finishing up my nose wiping. Thai chilly sauce – Bad Idea)

Paul: (Seeing no reaction) Little did you know, that had you chosen the kiss, I would have turned into a whole jar of PB. An entire large jar of PB. See? You chose 1 table spoon of PB over 1 large jar!!

Me: (Seeing a chance for redemption and at the same time, a way of putting a stop to Paul’s outpouring of cheesy romantic PB lines) See honey, that’s exactly why I didn’t choose your kiss!! Then you would turn into PB and then I would eat you and then you’ll be gone!!

Paul: No, I would be inside you. (Presses the elevator button)

Me: Only for a day or two!! Then you’ll be gone!

Paul: (Laughing...)

Me: Even if any of the PB remains, it would be clogging my arteries. (Ping!! Elevator has arrived. I step in) Is that what you want, to form a block in my heart?

Paul: (Smiling) At least then I’ll be in your heart.

Me: (Laughing.... Too cheesy-romantic a statement. Can’t respond)

Paul: (Leans into the elevator, Kisses me goodbye and walks off...) B-Bye

Me: (After the elevator doors close) Alas!! He didn’t turn into a jar of Peanut Butter!! :(