Warning: Unusally long post...
We have all read the Charles Dickens story, A Christmas Carol. Though it is wrapped in the Christmas theme, the message of the story is very important and can be applied to our lives. In this story, the miser Ebenezer Scrooge was a lucky guy. He was lucky not because he had tons of money, but because he had three ghosts, The Ghost of Christmas Past, The Ghost of Christmas Present and The Ghost of Christmas Future, who helped him realize his mistakes and eventually right his wrongs.
Each one of us has these ghosts too, but they take the form of real people who surround us. These are our friends and family who are always praising, criticising or advising us. I was wondering who my ghosts of Past, Present and Future would be, and what lessons would I learn if I took a journey with each of them.
The Ghost of 'Years' Past
Who: My family - mostly my parents, Diya and John; My friends from Kindergarten to college; My teachers.
What Would I see: A happy child, a short tempered teen, a stubborn young adult and young but wiser working woman, wishing she had been less trouble to her parents. But I see a very happy childhood, lots of laughter, loads of fun and never ending love and affection. But some random incidents stand out, incidents that taught me lessons that stuck.
In 5th grade, me standing outside class because I forgot my Kannada homework. It had become my habit in 5th grade to for get home work and things at home. I would go down to the office and call home and either Diya, John, or my maid would come and deliver it. And I would escape any punishment. But that day, as Diya was walking to my class to give me my Kannada home work, she passed my class teacher Annie Ma'am. Annie Ma'am stopped for a chat, and when she found out why Diya was there, she asked her to go back home. She said if I wasn't punished, I wouldn't learn my lesson. I stood outside for the rest of the class, waiting.
In 8th grade, me sitting outside the hall steps and crying, while someone else is giving a debate on whether or not Democracy is right for India. I had won every single speech or debate I had given in middle school. This was my first debate in high school, and I was overconfident and cocky because of my previous victories. Just before we were about to start, the judge announced that we could see our notes. I knew every letter and comma in my notes by heart, but I thought this new development meant I would win, hands down. I took my notes with me, but they only distracted me. I forgot my lines and had to pause to find them again. I braved my way through the rest of the speech, but when I finished, I came out. I sat on steps beside the entrance and cried, wishing I had knocked the chip off my shoulder before I stood before the lectern.
In 10th grade, me standing at the doorway of the train compartment and looking pleadingly at my mother, as the train pulled out of the station to take us to my final Guides camp. I had been so busy getting badges and certificates signed for all the other scouts and guides in my group, that I didn't have time to pack for myself. When I realized at the station that I had forgotten the most important certificate required for the camp, they delayed the train and my guide teachers husband rushed to my house to get it. But they couldn't locate it. Finally my parents sent my brother on a bus with what they thought were the certificates and he met me as I got off the train. But I realized they were the wrong ones. I barely had any hope. But my parents then found the right one and sent it through my cousin's friends, who drove to the campsite that was in the middle of no where.
What I have learnt: It's not enough to do your homework, you need to bring it too - this translates to, it's not enough to talk of what you have achieved, you have to prove it too. And if you don't pay the price for your mistakes, you'll only repeat them.
It doesn't matter what you have achieved in the past, because when people judge you, it's based on how you perform in the present. And overconfidence is never a good thing.
It doesn't matter how much responsibility you take on, if you don't take responsibility for yourself first. And for God's sake organize your certificates!! (That's the first thing my Mom told me when I came home from the camp :)
The Ghost of the Present
Who: My family - My parents, my siblings, My husband, his parents and siblings; My friends - those whom I have carried forward to this day and the family friends I have made here.
What would I See: I would see a 24 year old, trying to adjust to the rapid changes in her life.
March 2nd 2007, the day I quit my first job and rode my office bus back home for the last time. I was so scared and so unsure of what was to come. Wondering if I'll even get a second job in the US.
When the gate closed at the US Consulate in Chennai, and I could no longer see my father on the other side, my eyes filled up with tears. Until then I had been acting very brave and casual. But when the gate closed and Pappa was no longer allowed in, it struck me how, if this Visa didn't go through, I couldn't come to the US, couldn't get married and I would be stuck here, without any job. All my worries seemed silly though, when the interview was over in less than 30 seconds.
How at the Airport my heart physically hurt as the truth drove home, I wouldn't be able to see my parents every week as I used to. My life had reached the point of no return. That moment, standing in the check-in line, inching forward, as I turned and looked at Pappa with his eyes moist, is to this day, physically and emotionally, the most painful moment in my life.
The day I saw Rachel for the first time in the US, how she woke me up, smiled, took my hand and started walking around the house. After a few rounds she took off her footy and danced for me in her nappy :D (At that age she loved taking off her clothes!)
And my wedding day, and my surprise at the sheer lack of any worry. How I kept repeating vows under my breath so I wouldn't forget it, when it was my turn to repeat them. How Paul had to struggle to carry me over the threshold of the hotel room on our wedding night :D.
My regret at seeing my wedding photos and wishing I had been more determined about losing weight. :( Any way that's an annual regret.
Getting my green card.
Giving my first job interview in the US and getting the job!! :)
What I Have Learnt: Though it was a roller coaster ride of emotions, all in all, I did well.
Worrying doesn't help, except to loosen my teeth (I tend to grind my teeth when I'm stressed out, or so my dentist thinks).
How ever difficult a meeting or interview, proper preparation (mostly by Paul) and prayers (mostly by our parents) will get you through.
Your parents and brother maybe faraway, but you can still talk to them everyday and make them a part of your everyday life. (Thanks to the VOIP phone :)
If you want to lose weight, then do something about it, else stop cribbing about it. (This is a lesson I keep forgetting though....)
I have a gem of a husband!!
The Ghost of 'Years' Yet to Come
Who: My family - those mentioned earlier, my nephews and nieces and my children; My friends; My Teachers.
What would I see: Hopefully a happy, healthy, me. With a postgraduate degree and a non-software job and a couple kids (at least 1 daughter :). Diya, David and kiddies will have settled in Portland. So my kiddies will have loads of cousins (Rose and Tony are here anyway).
If I stuck to my gymming (I started this morning), then I would see a healthy me and Paul. Otherwise I see a dead me in my late 30s, on the autopsy table and when the pathologist cuts my heart, he sees that all the arteries are clogged with peanut butter :O
I would have convinced Paul that cleaning the bathrooms every week is a good idea, especially if He does it. :) If I succeed in this, I'll move on to convince him he should do the laundry too. :D
What I Have Learnt: If the first kid is a boy, and the second is also a boy, either give him up for adoption and try again for a girl, or start saving for a sex change operation!! (Ok, I'm kidding. I would NEVER do either)
Say 'NO' to Peanut Butter. (Easier said than done ;)
Got to think of more ways to convince David to move to Portland. If, he disagrees, abduct the kids, they are my god children anyway. (Ok, I'm kidding about that too. Or maybe not.... :} ->Wicked grin)
I would like to end the last blog of the year with a story our priest told us at church. It is a very simple yet powerful story. It is the story of life. In life, each one of us is expected to juggle 5 balls. These balls represent Family, Friends, Health, Work and Integrity. These balls are made of glass and so we can't drop them. We have to always juggle them, and keep them in the air. But over time we learn that one of the balls is made of rubber and will bounce back if dropped. Which of the five is the rubber ball?
Yes??
What is it?!
What are you waiting for?!?
Really, What IS IT you are waiting for?
Are you waiting for the answer? Ya.....
Actually my priest left us hanging in the balance too. But he did tell the answer after a while. So Shall I, but after a while :). Take the poll on the right. It's an anonymous poll, so I won't know who answered what. I'm just curious what all of you think. If you want to explain your answer, leave a comment. (Paul, don't take this poll!!!) I wonder how many votes there are gonna be. My guess is 2 or 3. I shall post the answer after a week.
Happy New Year everyone!!! May the coming year see a New you, a Happy you but mostly a Wiser you. And a toast to all the things that matter - Family, Friends, Love and God. Cheers!!
Until next year then, Ta Ta!!
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